Hmmph!

So it seems that neither Dude X nor Mongo will work out. Dude X, as I expected, chickened out. He sent an e-mail on Tuesday night, saying that cheating on his wife didn't fit in with his version of himself. That's fine, really, but it doesn't explain why he answered the ad in the first place. This is part of why I'd prefer a guy who's strayed in his marriage before.

I am less upset about Dude X than I am about Mongo, who I haven't heard from now in a week. He promised me in our last conversation that he was still "as interested as ever, so don't give yourself a complex, cutie!" I responded to that e-mail last Thursday, and then I sent a "Hey, hope you had a great holiday weekend, thinking of you" e-mail on Tuesday. I won't call or text or e-mail again, unless I hear from him.

This is a lesson I've learned over the time that I've been, well, dating. When you really like someone, it doesn't make them like you more to bug them incessantly, it's more likely to make them never want to talk to you again. I know this, intellectually. It doesn't keep me from feeling that awful urge to send progressively more strident or cute or sexy e-mails or texts. I may have already gone one over the limit with the second e-mail to Mongo. I won't compound it by bugging him more.

I suppose that this is the difference between being cool and psychotic -- the cool girl THINKS about constantly communicating with someone she's interested in, while the psychotic girl can't take the hint. Of course, the totally copacetic ladies don't think about it OR do it and there must be some women out there who never are more interested in their suitors than the suitors are interested in them so this doesn't come up. I can at least control the impulse enough not to push the button.

Next up (possibly later today), a story from last year. There is sex and awkwardness, my specialty!

Where things stand...

So it's time to offer pseudonyms to my two suitors.

Guy #1 (polysyllabic):
Married, more kids than I have. He works about 20 minutes from my home. He's quite attractive, quick-witted, and we had excellent chemistry in a 30-minute phone conversation on Wednesday. We know some of the same people, it turns out, but not in the same contexts. We had originally planned to meet for coffee and potential kisses early this morning, but he ended up stuck at home with sick kids, and couldn't get out. His e-mail apologizing about being unable to meet was sweet and funny, and I think I'm hoping he'll win. Henceforth, I'm going to call him "Mongo", due to a shared love for of Blazing Saddles.

Guy #2 (refrigerator):
Married, no kids. He's new to this kind of rodeo, and I think he's going to chicken out. He hasn't told me his first name because it's terribly rare, he says. He's sent photos, and he's cute enough. He lives farther away, though will be moving closer soonish. We seem to have good enough chemistry. I think he's just the spare in case Mongo doesn't work out, which isn't really fair, is it? He wanted to meet tomorrow, but I've got family in town all weekend, so that's not going to happen. There will be other days. He can now be "Dude X".

It's a holiday weekend here, so my guess is that nothing will move forward on either front between now and then. I may get laid, though -- a couple I've enjoyed a few threesomes with in the past are having a birthday weekend for her, and I'm meeting them at a bar tonight and going to a BBQ at their house tomorrow night after discharging my kids on my mom. Updates as the situation warrants.

In which I advertise for a lover

Craigslist is rough for both men and women. I'm told that guys get a ton of spam and just a few real responses. Ladies get a superfluity of replies, but also get flagged quickly by guys staking their claims.

So I posted my ad, as seen below (with some local-specific things omitted):

Title:(misc romance) MWF seeking long term lover - w4m

Neither what I want nor who I am is for everyone, but I believe that the right man is out there, and that we can enjoy each other for a long time.

I'm in a sexless marriage. There are reasons for this, and I'll happily address them with you once we have gotten to know each other a little bit, but the crux of the matter is that I'm not comfortable with one-night stands, I am too young to go the rest of my life without sex, and I'm neither willing nor able to get out of my marriage. For this reason, I am seeking a lover.

I want a man who is comfortable with himself, adept at written and verbal communication (this sounds like a job application!), between 30 and 55 years old, loves sex yet doesn't want to be promiscuous, and can talk about more than just the next position we'll encounter as we seek to please each other. Ideally, he's emotionally available, not psychotic, and able to meet a few times a month, particularly on weekend evenings.

I'm attractive, practice excellent hygiene, and have never had an STD. I'm interested in technology, love words, and give fantastic blow jobs. I'm touch-starved, and believe that a good kiss is the prelude to everything else. I'm not going to fuck you the first time I meet you, which is one reason why I posted here and not in casual encounters.

If you'd like to discuss this further, and see if we might be compatible, please respond. Use a five-syllable word somewhere in your reply to really impress me. And yes, I'm real and local to [my area, and here was some proof of that].

My post went up at 1:53 p.m., and was flagged by 5:35. In that time, I had 79 respondents. Of those, there were 8 I chose to reply to, and see how it goes. More on them as things develop.

Besides just needing to winnow the field out, 33 were removed because they couldn't spell worth a damn. (It's my kink, I get to indulge it!). I removed 24 people because I think they reply the same thing to every ad. It was a cookie-cutter response. 8 were way out of my age range, 3 weren't looking for something approaching long term, and 3 sent nothing but cock shots (that weren't impressive enough to merit further investigation.)

The five-syllable words of our finalists:
Refrigerator
Decalibration
Polysyllabic
Indescribable
Situational
Communicator
Opportunity
Unbelievable

Their ages range from 31 to 50. Half are married, half single.

Off to correspond with the lucky fellows. I'm excited to see how things turn out.