The terribly unlucky bunny

On New Year's Day this year, I had a first date with a guy who seemed engaging and hot. Conveniently, he was single, not concerned with my marital status, and had a home to himself. I'm not generally comfortable with putting out on the first date, but I shaved my legs and was ready for action in the event that we really, really hit it off.

Adam and I had met on Craigslist a few days before, talked on the phone, e-mailed, and all seemed well. We met at a restaurant near his home, ate dinner, and I was my sparkly, awesome self. He told me about his job, I told him a little about my situation. He was fresh out of a divorce, and really needed someone to listen.

This should have been my first sign that it would all go to hell, but I was hopeful and horny, so we soldiered on through dinner. He asked if I'd like to see a movie at his house -- he had "Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist", and I've got a dirty old lady thing going for Michael Cera, so how could I resist?

I should have resisted.

I followed him home to his charming suburban home. It had snowed recently, and the driveway and sidewalk were freshly shoveled, so he couldn't possibly be a serial killer, right?

Once we entered his house, I noted the total lack of furniture in the front parlor. I assumed his ex had gotten it in the divorce, and headed on back to the den. I expected we would cuddle up on the couch, make out, and see where the night would lead us.

I was partially right -- we got the movie started, but we almost immediately heard an unbelievably loud scratching sound. It was his pet rabbit, begging to be let out of the cage. He got up, let it out to hop around, and invited me to cuddle.

I'm a total sucker for any tactile stimulation. I really miss being touched by a man, particularly one who is attracted to me. I settled in and enjoyed the movie. When Adam's bunny hopped up next to him, he alternated between scratching between its ears and running a hand up and down my arm. It wasn't ideal, but it beat sitting in front of the tube at home.

About halfway through the movie, I looked up at him to see if he was thinking of more than just the arm rub. He got a glint in his eye, and then, all of a sudden, jumped up and started swearing. It took me a few minutes to work it out, but apparently his bunny had pissed all over him and the couch.

We paused the movie and he ran upstairs to change clothes, while I cleaned bunny pee off of his couch. I could have left it, but my inner mom took over.

Eventually, he came down (in sweats), we moved to the dry two-thirds of the couch, and finished the movie. I think we both tried to get into the mood, but really, after rabbit excreta, there's nowhere to go. We finished the movie, I thanked him for a lovely evening, and drove on home to my lonely bed once more.

I e-mailed him the next day, and heard nothing. I can't be too surprised, and honestly, I'm not that disappointed. There are other fish in the sea. Ideally, those fish have potty-trained pets.