Monday, June 28, 2010

In which I advertise for a lover

Craigslist is rough for both men and women. I'm told that guys get a ton of spam and just a few real responses. Ladies get a superfluity of replies, but also get flagged quickly by guys staking their claims.

So I posted my ad, as seen below (with some local-specific things omitted):

Title:(misc romance) MWF seeking long term lover - w4m

Neither what I want nor who I am is for everyone, but I believe that the right man is out there, and that we can enjoy each other for a long time.

I'm in a sexless marriage. There are reasons for this, and I'll happily address them with you once we have gotten to know each other a little bit, but the crux of the matter is that I'm not comfortable with one-night stands, I am too young to go the rest of my life without sex, and I'm neither willing nor able to get out of my marriage. For this reason, I am seeking a lover.

I want a man who is comfortable with himself, adept at written and verbal communication (this sounds like a job application!), between 30 and 55 years old, loves sex yet doesn't want to be promiscuous, and can talk about more than just the next position we'll encounter as we seek to please each other. Ideally, he's emotionally available, not psychotic, and able to meet a few times a month, particularly on weekend evenings.

I'm attractive, practice excellent hygiene, and have never had an STD. I'm interested in technology, love words, and give fantastic blow jobs. I'm touch-starved, and believe that a good kiss is the prelude to everything else. I'm not going to fuck you the first time I meet you, which is one reason why I posted here and not in casual encounters.

If you'd like to discuss this further, and see if we might be compatible, please respond. Use a five-syllable word somewhere in your reply to really impress me. And yes, I'm real and local to [my area, and here was some proof of that].


My post went up at 1:53 p.m., and was flagged by 5:35. In that time, I had 79 respondents. Of those, there were 8 I chose to reply to, and see how it goes. More on them as things develop.

Besides just needing to winnow the field out, 33 were removed because they couldn't spell worth a damn. (It's my kink, I get to indulge it!). I removed 24 people because I think they reply the same thing to every ad. It was a cookie-cutter response. 8 were way out of my age range, 3 weren't looking for something approaching long term, and 3 sent nothing but cock shots (that weren't impressive enough to merit further investigation.)

The five-syllable words of our finalists:
Refrigerator
Decalibration
Polysyllabic
Indescribable
Situational
Communicator
Opportunity
Unbelievable

Their ages range from 31 to 50. Half are married, half single.

Off to correspond with the lucky fellows. I'm excited to see how things turn out.

1 comment:

  1. Very nice ad! It's unfortunate I've not fortuitously (there's my 5) stumbled upon your ad. I must live in the wrong area haha. Woe is me!

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